Book One: Avtandil's Quest (CH 28)
For Honor
“When I arrived, the King joyously received me. He prepared an event, and I was seated next to him on a horse, though not my own. I sat without quiver or arms, and beside me, Pharsidan ordered the royal falcons released. They flew up like a storm, and the partridges they hunted shrank with fear. As each falcon returned to his handler, rows of archers formed to take down the remaining birds, and not one escaped. Everyone cheered at their success.”
“Then, we came to my home and had a great feast. We honored those from the field and celebrated my return from the dark. Singers and minstrels performed, the notes and melodies of their songs floating among us like the voices of angels. Meanwhile, the King gave gifts of precious and unique stones to all there. None present had any shred of dissatisfaction, save me.”
“Despite the smile I hid behind, I could not keep my thoughts from Nestan. Each new thought added fuel to the fires raging in me. When I feared I might burst into flame in front of everyone, I called my friends to me, and we sat down a bit apart from the other guests. My companions were mirthful and joyous, while I was morose. They pushed their joy on me, calling me a spruce tree and inviting me to feast and drink. To hide my misery and grief, I drank and feasted no differently than them, yet a wasteland of sorrow grew inside of me.”
“After a time, the head of my house came to me. He whispered of a woman who came to visit me. When I asked for her name, he said he did not know, but she wore veils worth praise from the wise. Though I did not know who she was, I had him invite her to my chambers. Shortly after, I asked leave of those I sat with, promising to return soon.”
“When I came to my room, one of my men stood guard at the door. The presence of a woman shamed me, yet I said nothing. Instead, I halted at the threshold, and she came forward, bowing and saying, ‘Blessed are they who are worth coming before you!’ This surprised me, for who salutes a lover? I thought her behavior must be because she had no idea how to make love. Knowing this about herself, she bowed before me, but later would only sit quietly.”
“Still, I was intrigued and entered my rooms. I sat on my sofa, and she came to the edge of the carpet. It seemed she felt unworthy, not daring to come near me, so I asked her directly, ‘Why do you wait like this when you came seeking my love?’ Yet, she did not speak. I watched, surprised to see her calculating and planning her words.”
“After a time, she spoke, looking down as she said, ‘This day burns me with shame. You do not realize how it pains me. Indeed, I came here for this purpose, but you are unaware of my heart. While I am happy you did not keep me waiting, I cannot say if I am worthy of this task. It would seem even now the mercy of God fails me.’”
“Then the maid stood and came to me. She said, ‘It is true. I am bashful with you. Though you should not think what you believe of my desire causes this. The boldness with which I came to you is at the command of my mistress. You must forgive me if I anger you, but everything I do is to please her heart.’ And with those words, she produced a letter, handing it to me without looking up. After this, she sat herself a bit away from me and said, ‘Read this, and you will learn of whom I speak. It is she alone who commanded this meeting.’”