Book One: Avtandil's Quest (CH 27)
Chapter 27 - Another Love
“I sat alone in my room, bathing my cheeks in tears until they changed to the color of a deep and mournful saffron. Ten thousand knives cut my heart to a stream of ribbons, and still more lacerated me from within. My misery had no end, and when the doorkeeper entered my chambers to inform me a man wanted to see me, I did not care. I asked, ‘What news does he have? Either this one or another messenger. What difference is it to me?’ The answer he gave would not matter, though my duties as Amirbar forced me to address the man.”
“I heard the gatekeeper call back, saying the servant of Asmath came. When I asked what he wanted, the man gave me a letter. What I read surprised me so much it diminished the burning in my spirit. The maiden wrote of her love for me, which I could not understand. I harbored no suspicions about her intent, for she was virtuous and honest, but her words filled me with more sorrow. Until then, I dared hope for some word or sign from Nestan.”
“While it was beyond me to fathom why she would care for me or how she so boldly declared her feelings, I realized disobedience would offer no respite. If I did not respond, her faith in me would be lost, and she would denounce me. Any kind words or thoughts she had for me would wither like grapes left too long on the vine. So, I wrote an answer befitting a lover, though, in truth, I was not. My love had been stolen by another.”
“Many days passed after I gave my response to her, yet they did not lessen the fires in me. I lost interest in matters of court and no longer attended. When the soldiers went to train or sport and play their games, I did not participate. An endless stream of physicians came and went, but they did nothing to ease or succor the source of my woe.”
“This is how I began to pay the joys and debts of the world. The twilight of darkness fell upon me, and the roots of my suffering took hold of me anew. Though the best doctors in India came to treat me, none discovered what consumed me. All blamed it on a condition of my blood. When this news reached the King, he ordered my arm bled, and I said nothing against this treatment. I wanted no one to suspect the truth behind my ailment.”
“When the doctors finished, I rested in my bed, though I cannot say how long I lay there. I was lost to melancholy, but at some point, Asmath’s servant returned. He came up, and I wondered what the girl found interesting in me. I did not know her, other than our brief meeting at Nestan’s palace.”
“The man presented me with another letter. I read it and learned she could not wait longer and wanted to be with me. Surprised, I agreed and wrote back to her. In my message, I told her I would not be late in coming, nor hesitant to receive her in my apartments.”
“Having sent my response, I asked myself why I chose to endure the pain of those lances which pierced me. I was Amirbar and a King. India was subject to me. Yet, if the common people knew how I felt for Nestan, they would judge me a thousand times and more. I would be cast down in shame, with no welcome in any region I might travel.”
“While waiting for her response, I received a messenger from Pharsidan. He wanted the malaise upon me expelled and gave orders for the physicians to bleed me again. Yet it pleased the man to return with the news I had already been bled and was well on my way to healing. More, I ordered him to inform the King, I would visit him soon, saying my joy was doubled. Once because I would see him, and again for my health.”