Though a prisoner now, Avtandil’s heart was at last freed from the dungeon of loneliness it had so long been chained in. He looked on in silence as Asmath stretched out the panther skin for the Knight to rest on. When Tariel sat down, he let loose a heavy sigh, morose and brooding. For all his beauty and power, the pain behind his eyes marked him as a broken man.
Yet she, the daughter of patience and forbearance, lit a fire to roast some meat for him. When she finished, she brought him some, but he was too tired to chew and spit the food out. He lay down, turning his back to the world before falling asleep, but sleep gave him no peace.
Before long, he screamed from a nightmare and jumped up in a daze. Like a madman he turned from left to right, chasing unseen spirits. His cries echoed pitifully throughout the cave.
Still in another world, he stumbled over a stone, picking it up and beating his chest with it while wandering in circles. Asmath screamed at him to stop, scratching her face in horror until her screams reached him. Finally, he hit himself in the head with a piece of firewood until regaining a measure of composure. Horrified at his actions, she yelled at him in fear and concern.
“What happened? Why are you so lost as to beat yourself?”
Noticing his blood, he looked up at her with a mix of shame and shock at how far his mind had fled from reason. Sitting back down on the panther skin, he quietly answered her.
“When I left, a King was in the field with his hunting party. The sight of men filled me with sorrow, so I went away from them. I did not want to come near for fear of what I might do, but a man saw me. Pale with shame, I hid in the woods while they searched for me. When dusk approached, they stopped looking, and I returned here. I have no idea how I will continue this hateful existence and cannot think of what to do with myself.”
Between sobs, she angrily shouted her answer to his foolishness.
“Look at you, roaming alone in the deepest forests with wild beasts, never seeking a man for help or conversation! There is nothing to entertain you other than the fire in your soul, and it consumes you! How will you ever find her if you waste your days in vain like this?”
“You traveled the whole earth in your quest and crossed over every land. Was no man able to be near you who did not ignite your anger? Were you unable to find a single person to break the tide of your grief and share a moment of brotherhood?”
“If you follow this road alone, you will bring about your death. She whom your heart sings for will be doomed to perish, for none but you can save her. Knowing this, what do you gain from behaving like an animal? How does it help her or you?”
He winced in pain at the truth of her reprimand. Yet, he also understood there was no way forward. All his efforts had failed. No one could lessen his burden, and he did not dare dream of finding a brother amongst the ruins of his life.
“Though you do not lie, your words are sharp against the wound on my soul. No balm or salve on this earth will ease my suffering. Only one road is left to me, which is death. In severing the flesh from my spirit, perhaps I may find some measure of joy. Otherwise, nothing will help me.”
“How is it you expect me to find an unborn man? Where would I look for someone who does not exist? More, why would God cause such a man to be on the same world as me? Who did you see other than me with the strength to bear my woes? What man would be so foolish as to attempt helping me with them?”
“Yes, I have become a shadow from carrying this weight. Yet, I found no equal in any other man. Do you think I have not looked? You share my sorrow, but you must also know there is no other in this world who can understand me.”
What he said of her words was true, for she did speak harshly, but his judgment of himself was harsher still. He had been over the entirety of the world in his quest, and he knew she was aware of this. Curious as to her line of questioning, he looked long and hard at her. She endured the weight of his gaze as his eyes asked unspoken questions, until she cautiously answered.
“Do not be angry with me or the truth of what I say. Though I speak out of fear for you, what I say is not without wisdom. God appointed me as your advisor, and you have no other. I cannot conceal what is best in this matter. You go to extremes, beating yourself and your soul to no end. In doing this, you overstep the bounds of reason.”
Tariel listened, but his frustration grew at not being able to determine the purpose or place of what she was saying.
“Be clear because I do not understand what you want! Do you expect me to create a man without the aid of God? Do not give me half measures of advice and cups of riddles. Rather, tell me what sits on your mind to help release me from this prison.”
Asmath was silent for a long time before she spoke again.
“Perhaps I harass you with timidity of speech and too much talking. Yet, I will answer you. If I found a man who would come to you of his own free will and share your burden, would you accept him and swear not to hurt him in any way?”
Tariel laughed when she said this, a mixture of hopeful joy and self-deprecating cynicism in his voice as he answered her.
“If indeed there is a man like this, I would rejoice if you showed him to me. By the heart of her who causes me to wander mad in the fields, I swear to do nothing unpleasing to him. I would love him as a brother and be kind to him for all my days. In me, he will find no cause for bitterness. If one such as he exists in this world, I will do everything in my power to be his friend.”
When he finished speaking, she stood, his promise to do no harm still fresh in the air. Walking to him, she laid her hand on his brow and told him to wait. He looked up at her, confused, as she walked behind the towering columns of the cave to Avtandil’s hiding place.